


in solemn stillness

by museaway



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Universe, Christmas, Christmas in the Bunker, Established Relationship, Illustrated, M/M, Stargazing, Stars, holidaymixtape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 17:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8810062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/museaway/pseuds/museaway
Summary: Dean doesn't know what to get Castiel for Christmas, so he ignores the approaching date on the calendar.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I’d initially intended to use Costco in this fic, because Jensen made a joke about Sam and Dean shopping there at Atlanta Con. But Sam’s Club had the items I was after, and there’s one conveniently located outside of Hastings, Nebraska, about an hour north of Lebanon.
> 
> Set in a S12-ish canon universe that ignores all current stuff on the show and assumes Dean and Cas are in a long-term established relationship. 
> 
> Inspired by _It Came Upon a Midnight Clear_ , [cover by Josh Groban](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiSqct-Ei80). Title derived from the lyrics.
> 
> Beta read by Lauren. Written for SPN Holiday Mixtape 2016

In spite of his initial reservations — what kind of asshole buys a membership to go shopping? — the trip into Nebraska to hit up a Sam’s Club turned out to be worthwhile. Flannel shirts were only $13 and blue jeans were just a dollar more. He threw a couple of each in the cart without trying them on. A 53-pack of multi-colored lighters was an economical $50 and Dean had plans to line the trunk with 25-pound bags of rock salt until Baby was close to dragging.

And then there were the food samples. He had a toothpick in his mouth when he found Sam crouched down in the paper goods aisle.

“Did you try the meatballs in the freezer section? Two words: barbecue sauce. And there were these thirty-dollar cheesecakes? Fantastic. The lady at the end of the aisle is gonna have Bagel Bites in a minute.”

Sam looked up reproachfully. “Dean, this isn't a buffet.”

Dean grinned. “You want me to get you one?”

“Go find the lighter fluid.”

“Soon as the bagels are ready. Does that say 96 rolls of toilet paper?”

“We can _buy_ a box of the bagels. I want to get home.”

“Hot date?”

“Yeah. I haven't slept in my own bed for three weeks.” Sam pushed the hair back from his eyes. “I'm surprised you're not in more of a rush. Isn't Cas meeting us?”

“He's not due in for a couple hours. The hell does someone need with twenty boxes of Kleenex?”

“You'll thank me if we get that cat Cas has been going on about.”

“We're _not_ getting a cat,” Dean said.

“What’re you getting mom for Christmas?”

“Thought we might go in on a laptop. If she’s sticking around, she’s gonna need it.”

“That’s a good idea,” Sam said. “We should check out the electronics before we leave. What about Cas?”

“What about him?”

“What are you getting him? For Christmas?”

“Nothing.”

Sam blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“What?” Dean said. “He doesn't eat and he doesn't think it's weird to wear the same damn clothes every day. The only thing he uses is Netflix and he doesn't need his own account.”

“Don't you still want to give him something?”

“Believe me, I give him _plenty_.”

Sam closed his eyes and took a long breath. “Never … never tell me that again.”

When Dean checked, the Bagel Bites were ready. He snatched one off of the tray and ate it whole, grinning even as the cheese scalded the roof of his mouth. “Think I will get a box of these, thanks,” he told the woman in a red apron and a hairnet, and cheerfully tucked it under his arm.

* * *

 

The thing about Sam's nagging was the way he did it in relative silence.

All it took was one comment that rooted in Dean's brain, spreading tendrils that wormed their way around his gray matter until he caved. Sometimes it didn't require words. Sam could give Dean one look and Dean would know what it meant. If he were any kind of artist, he’d illustrate a guide to those looks as a warning to others. They were deadly and Sam knew it.

The comment he’d made last week in Sam’s Club (ha!) had been circling Dean’s brain like a vulture waiting for the possum to stop twitching, and Dean knew if he didn't figure out an adequate gift for an angel hitchhiking in a 40-year-old dude, he'd go mad from the inner monologue of Sam's Jiminy Cricket bullshit.

Cas would probably wear a new tie if Dean got him one. Hell, he'd wear a whole new _getup_ if Dean asked him to, but there’s something inherently shitty about asking your better half to change the way they look just to suit you. No clothes. He’d take Cas shopping when Cas asked and not before.

A cat was out. Forgetting allergies and hairballs for a minute, what kind of assholes would they be, leaving a cat alone for days or weeks at a time? And no way would he stand for it coming on the road with them—screw that History Channel documentary about trucking that had put the idea into Sam and Cas’s heads. Dean’s Baby was a dander-free zone.

Cas didn't understand why humans cut flowers from the plants before enjoying them, and since they hadn’t turned up anything resembling a greenhouse in this labyrinth, roses were out. So was jewelry, unless they were going the ring route, but Christmas proposals had always struck him as over-the-top, eclipsed only by going down on one knee on Valentine's Day.

Cas might appreciate small comforts: a robe and slippers, a new coffee mug, but those options seemed pretty lame when you considered Cas’s first gift to Dean was yanking his sorry ass out of hell. There was nothing Dean could give him that Cas _needed,_ and as far as he knew, Cas’s want list consisted exclusively of “Netflix and chill,” a term he’d picked up on the Internet while trying to locate Chuck's blog.

Faced with imminent failure, Dean did what he does best: he ignored the approaching date on the calendar and focused on work in order to smother that annoying inner voice that sounded exactly like his brother.

* * *

Christmas day was a nonchalant affair. After a generous breakfast of bacon and eggs, home fried potatoes, and sausage, Sam presented Dean and Cas with gifts wrapped in brown paper. To Cas, he’d given a pair of black gloves and a new wallet containing a set of ID cards for everyday use. _Castiel Winchester_ , they said. Cas stared at the cards for the better part of a minute, one fingertip hovering above the printed letters of his name, but not quite touching them.

“We don’t look alike,” Cas said thickly. “I don’t think anyone will believe I’m your brother.”

“You’re supposed to say thanks,” Sam said.

Cas embraced him, wrapping both of his arms around Sam’s neck and pulling him in so tightly, Dean winced on his brother’s behalf. “Thank you, Sam,” Cas said. “I love you very much.”

“Yeah, I — I love you too, Cas,” Sam said, a little strained. “I’m really glad you’re here with us.”

Dean hid the iTunes gift card, picked up at a gas station, between his palms and felt immeasurably small.

Mom came over with gifts and store-bought cookies mid-afternoon. For Dean and Sam, she’d brought clothes, insisting the ones they had were worn too thin to be warm this time of the year. For Castiel, she’d brought a red tartan plaid tie.

“I was going to get you a shirt as well, but you seem fond of that outfit,” she said. “I thought you might like something to change it up once in a while.”

She was delighted by the laptop but insisted it was too extravagant to keep, said while running a finger around the edge.

“If it makes you feel better, we got you the cheap model,” Dean said. Cas nudged him in the ribs.

“It’s a Chromebook, mom,” Sam said. “You don’t have to worry about viruses or malware, and since everything runs off of the browser, you can’t accidentally install something that’s going to take over the system and require hours to remove.”

“Why’re you looking at me?” Dean said with a whole cookie in his mouth.

Sam smiled wanly. “Want me to show you how to use it?”

* * *

 

That evening, Sam gave their mom a crash course on Gmail and basic internet smarts while Dean and Cas broiled steaks for dinner. They spent the evening drunk on eggnog, feasting on a platter of Bagel Bites and watching _Die Hard_. Dean kept an arm around Cas’s shoulders and occasionally dragged him in for a quick kiss when no one was looking, for no other reason than he could. Cas looked dazzled every time Dean drew him near and kissed Dean with tenderness that belied the heat in his eyes.

But he didn’t come to bed right away. After mom and Sam had said goodnight, Dean found Cas in the dark war room with an empty glass and a lost expression. He pulled out the adjacent chair and sat down.

“Hey. You okay?”

Cas looked up with an apologetic smile. “I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“My brothers and sisters. Angels are heavily referenced in Christmas music and despite all of it being inaccurate, it’s been difficult to think of anything else today.”

“Inaccurate?”

“Early Christians chose this date to coincide with an existing holiday to avoid persecution, but it has nothing to do with the birth of the Lord.”

“So you didn’t all get together and sing at midnight? Break out the harps?”

Cas chuckled quietly. “I never needed an excuse to sing my father’s praises. But no, not tonight.”

Dean looked at him for a long time, at the bluish angles of Cas’s profile. “You miss it. Being up there.”

“Please don’t think it reflects on you,” Cas said.

“I’m sorry I got you into all this. If it hadn’t been for me, if you hadn’t had to pull me out, you might still be up there.”

“I don’t want a life without you in it. Without you and Sam, and your mother.”

“That’s sweet, but—”

“No, Dean. I was content in Heaven. I wanted for nothing. But with you I’m _happy_. I’ve never known …” Castiel reached for Dean’s hand and brought it to his lips. “I will never regret saving you. So stop thinking it.”

Dean’s eyes burned and went blurry, but he inclined his head and nodded once. “Jeez, look at us. Couple of saps.” He dragged a thumb under his eye and tilted his chin up toward the door. “You wanna take a drive?”

“Where to?”

“Doesn’t matter. Just feel like getting out of here. Been cooped up all day.”

“It’s almost midnight. There’s nothing open.”

“You’ve got wings. Didn’t you ever fly for the hell of it?”

Cas’s mouth twitched. “Occasionally.”

“You get your coat; I’ll get the keys.”

* * *

 

Lebanon’s long dirt roads glistened with frost under the headlights. It had snowed a few days ago, and preserved by the cold weather, the snow lay unspoiled over the rolling fields. When the wind blew, it pushed against the side of the car, as though they were walking shoulder to shoulder with it. They rambled down an unmarked trail that split a field in two and Dean pulled over. He shut off the headlights but left the engine running and unfastened his seat belt.

“You can really see the stars out here, huh?”

“Despite the lack of conveniences, it’s a beautiful place to live.”

“Sure as hell beats a motel.” Dean playfully knocked his fist against Cas’s thigh. “Hey … sorry my gift wasn’t as nice as Sam’s. He’s real good at this and, well, to be honest, I didn’t know what the hell to get you.”

“You’re alive. That’s the most precious gift you could ever give me.”

“So you’re telling me as far as presents go, I’m off the hook for life?”

Castiel tilted his head. “Does that mean you’re planning to stay with me for the duration?”

“Thought that was obvious.”

“I like hearing you say it.”

Dean blushed in spite of himself and pointed out the windshield. “You … you mind walking a little?”

It was slow going through the field. The ground hadn’t frozen solid and was soggy under a crust of ice and snow. They walked to a point where the sky was wide open, with only a dark fringe of trees at the horizon, and looked up.

This was the best thing about living in the middle of nowhere. Mom used to let him peer through the telescope so he could see Jupiter’s moons. They’d set it up in the backyard and she’d hold him up so he could fit his eye to the eyepiece, then explain what he was seeing. He didn’t remember the sky over Lawrence being this dark. Here, the stars stretched endlessly, more numerous than he’d ever seen. The moon wasn’t out tonight.

“Makes you feel pretty insignificant,” Dean said. “How many stars d’you think are out there?”

“More than you would be comfortable imagining,” Cas said.

“Of all the rocks in the universe, your old man picked this one.” Dean laughed, hoping that Cas would understand the reference, but when he didn’t immediately react, Dean sobered. “Real sorry you didn’t get any time with him. You’ve been looking for him for so long, and when he was finally here ...”

Cas kissed him quiet. “There were more important things to worry about.”

“Still sucks.” Dean threw an arm around Cas’s shoulders and kissed him back for a while. “Did you ever think we’d make it here?”

Cas’s eyes were glassy in the faint light from the stars. He swept his thumb across Dean’s lips. “I would’ve found you.”

“Even if they sent me back downstairs?”

“You underestimate me.” Cas smiled. He kissed Dean a final time and lifted his face toward the stars. “Oh,” he murmured. “I was wrong.”

“About what?”

Castiel brought an arm around Dean’s back, hand curling gently over his shoulder. He closed his eyes. “They are singing.”

 

 

  
illustration for _in solemn stillness_  by me - digital painting, 10,000 hours in Photoshop

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate! If you're on Twitter, please [come say hi](https://twitter.com/museawayfic)!
> 
> Please check out all of the other fic & art entries for Holiday Mixtape [on our challenge blog](http://holidaymixtape.tumblr.com/).


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